How can I be an introvert who gets energized from going to a folk dance with a large group of people, many of whom I don't know?

I love reading about and thinking about introversion and extroversion. I've always known that I am a pretty extreme introvert. I definitely do not get energy from being in a large group of people. However, I've recently noticed that there is one huge counter-example to this generalization. When I go to an evening of folk dance, I leave with so much energy - far more than any other typical introvert activity (jag älskar hemmakväll) would give me.

How can this be?

I've been pondering this quite a bit lately. Maybe this is a sign that I'm sliding more toward the middle of the introvert/extrovert scale? But by any other measure, I'm still an extreme introvert. So, really, how can this be?

My initial thoughts are that folk dances are different from most activities involving a large group of people. Of course, they are different in so many ways, but specifically, I think that the important factor is that there is sort of a prescribed way of interacting with people.

If I get invited to a big party where I will not know too many people, I have to spend a lot of time mentally preparing myself to have lots of small talk with new people. I have to try super hard to not be incredibly awkward. Honestly, I am happiest sitting and primarily listening to conversations, while contributing minimally. Or perhaps I'll get into a more involved conversation with one or two people, and not really talk to anyone else the entire night. Maybe I make this sound harmless, but most people can get uncomfortable with this, thinking my silence means I am having an awful time.

Now, if I am being entirely honest (and Greg would confirm this), most of the time before I head to a dance, I actually get a bit anxious and have second thoughts about going. My heart is just shouting, "Are you crazy, don't voluntarily go to an event with a bunch of strangers, especially if no one is expecting you to be there!" Most of the time, I have to rely on my brain to be the voice of reason, to remind myself that afterwards I'll thank myself for going.

My heart is so quick to judge all large gatherings of people equally. I so easily forget that folk dances have this prescribed way of interacting with others, compared to any other generic gathering of many people. You go there, you ask a person if they want to dance, and you dance. It is simple. There is usually not a lot of time for conversation. There is no expectation to continue conversation while dancing, since most people become worse dancers while trying to talk and dance. And while you may be in a large crowd of people, you are primarily only interacting with this one person, who you don't even have to talk to. To me, it feels like such a healthy reminder that there are ways of connecting with people other than through conversation alone.

Thinking about a lot of my friends who are also folk dance enthusiasts, I'd say most of them are more introverted than extroverted. Perhaps folk dances are events more suited to the introvert - a gathering of people who are all just interacting with only one other person at a time? Perhaps.

As I said, these are just my initial thoughts. I'm curious to hear what others might think. Is there agreement? Disagreement? I've also been trying to think of other examples of situations that we would typically expect an extrovert to thrive in, but secretly the introverts are thriving. I'd love to hear any thoughts you might have!

7 things I wrote in the past week

- 1 -

I was pretty fascinated by this article I stumbled upon earlier this week.

"Sitting is so prevalent and so pervasive that we don't even question how much we're doing it. And, everyone else is doing it also, so it doesn't even occur to us that it's not okay."

- 2 -

There have been multiple occasions since this day where I have successfully responded, 'ya tack' to a cashier. It is basically the extent of my Swedish-speaking these days.

- 3 -

I read this in a scientific article recently:

"First, we need to eliminate the possibility that the FABs produce the SLAMS by comparing observations to theory [...]."

Indeed. We totes need to do that, and while we are at it let's create some more acronyms. Can I be a namesake for the newest one?

- 4 -

- 5 -

I had a super fun visit with Julie last weekend. We noticed that Swedes like to use the word 'practical' even in a situation where it might not be the most practical word choice.

- 6 -

Also, I've developed a new love for the Swedish royal family. They are totally awesome. Way better than that british one. Maybe next week's quick takes can be devoted to members of the royal family! Excitement!

- 7 -

I am so glad I followed this advice to not give up something for lent that makes you unbearable to others. Often, I compose emails in my head before I send them (this is a related thought, I promise). If I do this before a cup of coffee, they are ridden with frustration/annoyance and are completely harsh/unpleasant. It just takes one cup of coffee to make me a far more generous person.

Note to self: Don't send that email in the morning before you've had coffee. Just don't do it.

____

And the other quick takers.

I use the internet for taking quizzes and posting the results to my blog.

I also didn't know that quizzes had two z's?


Harry Potter Personality Quiz by Pirate Monkeys Inc.

And since Ginny Weasley wasn't listed as any of the options I'm going to go ahead and say she is in our camp too.

The most impressive part (to me) is that this quiz gave me the same results (INFJ) as a full Myers Briggs test. I remember taking it in a religion class in high school and we spent maybe a week's worth of classes doing the test? Maybe that is an exaggeration, but it seemed to take a really long time. Far longer than these 20 questions.

Also, then I was thinking, I wonder what percentage of people are my same type, and after a quick google search I found this page. Not sure if their info is legitimate, but I'll just believe it as fact and say that I think it is pretty interesting. I also think it is hilarious that the one descriptive word for me is 'confidant'. Once, several years ago, after telling a friend that yet another person had told me all about the details of a situation they were in, she remarked 'people just tell you stuff.' I don't know how true this is anymore, but there was definitely a time where people did indeed just tell me stuff.

quick takes

- 1 -

These images of spacey objects are so amazing! Easily my best internet find from the week.

- 2 -

One thing I wish I remembered to do more often is to put leftover foods into the container upside down. So like, first put the stir fry, then put the rice on top. When I eat foods like this, I like the grain to be on the bottom. So if I package them upside down, I can easily dump them onto a plate for re-heating, and they are already in my preferred order.

Probably a lot of people aren't so particular about food things, but this is something I always pay attention to. And yet, more often than not I forget as I'm putting away leftovers, and then I get it wrong.

- 3 -

In the book Quiet I am learning about the trait of being high-reactive, or sensitive. I am SO fascinated by this. I wanted to read the book because I love reading about introversion/extroversion. And I had no idea that there was a trait such as sensitive. In our everyday world, I feel like being sensitive is generally considered a negative thing. But guess what. It is a biological trait (to some extent, I'm no expert, I just read things and interpret them to my liking). And it survived the gene pool.

I am a sensitive type, and I am evolutionarily important.

- 4 -

Uppsala must have a graveyard of lost mittens and gloves. Just the other day I counted three lone mittens on my walk between home and the office. They are just everywhere, stuck on top of poles, perched on fences or other high places sticking out of the snow.

- 5 -

And it happens on occasion that I hear a bicycle approaching me from behind, and I can hear that the man on the bicycle is singing. Immediate thought? That is rather strange. Then he passes and I see that there is a kid in the kid seat, and it is just a dad singing to his kid, and my heart melts a little (but my face is scowling because winter bicycle riding with a child in tow scares me (at least if the kid is in the seat on the back. those chariots that get pulled behind a bicycle don't bother me so much, because I imagine they have some sort of release mechanism for if the bicycle falls down)).

- 6 -

This is probably the trendiest item you could own in Sweden.

Seriously.
I didn't even know what they were called. I just googled "cool Sweden backpack" and all of the top results showed them instantly. Apparently they are made in Sweden and also quite expensive (but what isn't, really), and very very cool.
In all honesty, when I first started noticing them, they often look like a grown man was carrying his child's backpack. But the look is kind of growing on me, and I have to admit, the people who carry these look pretty cool to me.

- 7 -

Today I had champagne before 10 am. It was not the most complementary food item to coffee, that I can say for sure. Usually a full glass of champagne is a sure way to give me a headache, so I made sure to take the least full glass. But maybe the real problem is that I had previously only been drinking champagne in the after 10 am hours. Amateur!

- -

And to read the quick takes of the other quick takers, head over here.

Quiet

I just recently realized that Susan Cain (who did the Ted talk called Power of Introverts, which I wrote about a bit ago) had a book out earlier this year titled Quiet. I am guessing it is like a longer version of her talk? Maybe? If that is true, I definitely want to read it.

Yesterday in Swedish class we were having fake conversations about making plans to do things among the class. And at least twice, our teacher said, "okay make just one more plan and then we'll stop" or something of the sort. I have a pretty good feeling that he was trying to get me and one other girl in the class to try to say a bit more. But the thing is, I just don't like to be the one talking 'in front of' a group of people. Even if it was in a language I actually knew. I guess it is unfortunate since the whole point of a language course is to acquire the skills to talk, but still.

And that got me thinking to grades in classes. As far as I remember it (correct me if I'm wrong, Mom), I think I only rarely got A's in elementary school, and only sometimes got A's in middle school, always because my participation grade was horrid. By the time I got to high school, I was motivated enough to force myself to 'participate' more, or at least to argue with my teachers that active listening is participating. Then college was glorious, because there is just no participation grade! How nice!

Maybe I'm thinking about this a bit too much, but that kind of makes me feel like your grade is partially based on how extroverted you are. And only if you can force yourself to act extroverted, even if you are quite introverted, will you get the best grades? That just doesn't seem healthy. Is this too big of a jump in the logic?

limit to introversion

One of my most favorite ted talks is the power of introverts. I am super impressed by that woman, because she precisely and concisely describes introversion so well.

And while it is true that introverts get energy when they are alone and often are drained of energy when they are with others, this doesn't mean an introvert could happily live without seeing any people ever. Or at least it doesn't mean that for me. Being with others, and connecting with others is important for introverts too. I think I've reached that life stage (even though I'm not quite over 30 yet) where making friends isn't automatically easy. Or maybe it is just a language barrier.

Either way, I've been feeling a bit stir-crazy lately, feeling the need to get out and be among people. Except that I don't really have "people" here yet. There are a few people who I'll take the liberty to call friends, but they are certainly not numerous.  I'm going to try harder to be more friendly and more outgoing though. Play the role of the extrovert. This is what it feels like to be at the limit of introversion, I suppose. Wish me luck. And happy Tuesday.